Sexual Healing
Will Marvin Gaye’s family come after me for the title of this article? My lawyers are going to love this…
Author’s Note: I’m heading into midterms for my first semester in my graduate counseling program. I’ll be the first to admit that these first seven weeks have been quite a doozy. But through it all, each week has provided more clarity and confirmation that I’m on the right path. The content of my courses, my interactions with professors, conversations with students, and the resources I’ve been provided thus far have come together to quell my fears.
Nearly two years ago, I found myself on random backroads of small Texas towns, delivering UberEats and slinging Whataburger on farm patio porches. Listening to podcasts like “Sex with Emily” or “Lovers by Shan” tethered me to my curiosity and imagination throughout the illusory hellscape that is unemployment. Yet still, I’m grateful for that time in that it helped me to recognize that my growing curiosity around sexology, pleasure potential, and eroticism didn’t have to remain an interest. As I began to engage with various literature that aroused new conjectures and ideas, it became apparent to me that I needed a seat at the table.
Only I possessed the power to make it happen and so…I applied to this program. Thus far, it’s proven to be one of the best decisions I could’ve ever made. Synchronicities like my introductory professor being a sex therapist who, subsequently, upon sharing briefly my theories and desired explorations, pointed me in the direction of Dr. Peggy Kleinplatz’s - a Canadian clinical psychologist and sexologist. I couldn’t help but chuckle Dr. Kleinplatz cited the text “Women Who Love Sex,” in this article. Authored by Dr. Gina Ogden, that very book was the first neurosexual text I’d come across and foundational to the very life I embody in this present moment.
Next week I meet with another sexologist at my university to discuss my research and receive advisement and focused feedback. I’m keenly aware of the fact that this conversation was only made possible by my openness to explore and remain curious about the potentialities of human erotic potential, as Dr. Kleinplatz would say.
I’ve quit my job and moved cities and started school and found a new job that’s more aligned to my rhythms and routines. I’ve started this Substack and have evolved into the woman who sits at home on a Friday night, reading through scientific journals to discern meaning and publicly share and express those thoughts on an online platform.
Thoughts that I’d like to share with you now. May those thoughts lead to your growth, development and exploration.
Entering the Research
Presently, I’m reading an article from Dr. Peggy Kleinplatz - a Canadian clinical psychologist and sexologist. Published in the Journal of Homosexuality, this 2008 article entitled “Learning from Extraordinary: Lessons from the Edge” explores the potentialities and positivities of human erotic potential by presenting findings from two case illustrations. Kleinplatz asks us to get curious about the inner workings of sexual experiences of those who have “divergent modes of sexual expression”, and how their experiences can provide insight about human sexuality across all peoples.
We’re going to take a look at this research specifically over the next two articles as I seek to provide clarity to the readers of Majora Minora, about my desired role in the field of sex education and research.
Presenting two case illustrations from couples that identify as SM (sadomasochist) practitioners, the purpose of the paper is “to explore what clinicians can learn from those who seek and attain uncommon sexual relations in pursuit of uncovering lessons from the “edge” that can be universally applied to erotic expression.
Sadomasochism can be defined as the taking of pleasure, often sexual in nature, from the inflicting or suffering of pain, hardship, or humiliation. Naturally, this form of sexual expression is an individualized and relatively “divergent” from normative and societal erotic experiences. Dr. Kleinplatz points out these atypical experiences could be viewed as data and the “cutting edge of human sexuality”.
Erotic Potential and the Edge
In the previous article, we discussed “Our Sexy Brains and their Adventures in Paradise”. The work of Dr. Kleinplatz has been affirming as it relates to the work I desire to do in the field of sexology and sex education - which is encouraging the pursuit of an attuned, expressive and embodied sex life. I believe that increased education on the neuroscience aspect of sex and pleasure could lead to more intentional and fulfilling sex lives, once we are able to conceive for ourselves all of the benefits and thereby, take integrated action.
One such phenomenon Ogden describes is “thinking-off,” the ability to reach orgasm through thought alone. While rare, it raises fascinating questions about the brain’s role as a sexual organ. Admittedly, divergent sexual experiences like these fuel my pursuit about understanding our human erotic potential and are ultimately the impetus for my interest in sexological research. I’m curious about the implications of being able to access the state of orgasm, from mere thought, thereby flooding your system with the chemicals released at climax, technically, on command. As I alluded to in my admissions essay, coupled with the pain-relieving and wellness benefits accessible through orgasm - what could this mean for pain relief? Can I think myself to orgasm in pursuit of pain relief from my migraine? Can the effectiveness of that relief increase as the brain becomes more aware of itself and activated as a sex organ?
Well…that’s a part of what I’m in school to ask and answer.
Tying it all back together, I feel it necessary to delve into Dr. Kleinplatz’s research because ultimately, I too seek to bring understanding to divergent modes of sexual expression for the sake of education and empowerment. Through this exploration, Dr. Kleinplatz outlines 10 Lessons from the Edge - takeaways that can be applied to virtually all of our varied pleasure practices.
To put it simply: Knowledge is power. Apply the knowledge to your sexual understanding of yourself and/or your partner(s) - you’re now empowered.
“The intent here is to turn our thinking about human sexuality on its head.
In her work with one of the couples in the case illustrations noted, “It’s funny that by playing the role that’s not who you really are, you can come close to becoming who you really are[.]”
I do believe that to be one of the main points of sex. Returning to the home within. Resting at the hearth of desire. Stoking the erotic flames as the embers of arousal burn steadly and curiously. Have you ever taken time to look at the way orange dances across the embers at the pit of a fire? The glow shifts and fades and burns anew - a representation, I find for the ways in which sexual energies move through us.
Reflecting on that quote, I’m brought back to a conversation with a friend earlier this week about the flow of masculine and feminine energies in each individual partner. During this talk, he expressed his thoughts and ideas around the concept of “sexual healing” and “sexual merging”. From his perspective, this merging and healing could be attained through making space for your partner’s duality as well as your own. Or in his words, “the ways in which the woman or the feminine in him wants to receive pleasure.” I enjoy this perspective because of it’s subtext - am I safe to be vulnerable with you in a way that is divergent to societal and gendered expectations? Are the roles in pleasure that I imagine for myself in sexual play able to unfurl themselves, without judgement, in your presence.
I would like to acknowledge that this is not to exclude those who view themselves outside of the dualistic construct of masculine and feminine - the larger point being that a surrender to the pondering and expression of our individual erotic potential could lead to unique and inverse experiences that alter and ameliorate our self-concept while rewriting our sexual narratives.
In the next article, we’ll dive more concretely into the 10 Lessons from the Edge
In the meantime, here they are. Mull over them. Try them on for size. Get lost in the research with me and ponder it for yourself.
Lessons From the Edge
Lesson 1. The power of intense eroticism lies within.
Lesson 2. The devil is in the details. Aim for better, more finely tuned, intricate, specific phenomenology.
Lesson 3. Do not engage in “sex” (whatever that means) until your level of arousal is through the roof. Otherwise, you invite and incur the risk of developing sexual dysfunctions, pain or desire disorders.
Lesson 4. Relationship factors require continuing attention. The levels of trust, communication and negotiation skills required for extraordinary, erotic intimacy far exceed those common in ordinary sexual relations.
Lesson 5. Sex has as many purposes as there are people having sex. “Sex” is about “nonsexual” purposes, also.
Lesson 6. Sex can accomplish more than tension release and orgasm. It can bring about feelings of aliveness, expansion, self-knowledge, joy, a sense of peace, harmony, ecstasy, wholeness and of “coming home.”
Lesson 7. Sex can be profoundly transformative. It can be therapeu- tic, healing and/or transcending not only sexual wounds but various kinds of psychological injuries.
Lesson 8. Aim high. Learn from those who refuse to settle for merely, incredibly pleasureful and thoroughly satisfying sex.
Lesson 9. Keep going deeper, higher and further. The eroticism is in the continuing exploration, uncovering and discovery of possibilities and potentials.
Lesson 10. Being on the edge is scary but then so are the alternatives. Erotic adventures are genuinely risky but then the risks of erotic stagnation are no less dangerous.
Let’s meet back in two weeks, to discuss further?